TEARS

I don't know how to start to tell a story that have long passed but still keeps haunting and taunting me in my dreams... a story that keeps me shattered, broken, and unfixed... within... All I can do to express how I feel way deep inside is through this picture...I have a story to tell but I have to keep it through my self and tell it through an ocean of tears that keeps draining from the alps through a rugged river.. I may seem tough... but I am fragile...

DELUBYO NG PEBRERO

Ang mga damo'y tila nakayuko
Sa mga burol na nanlulumo
Ang hangin ay tinulak ang ulap
Na tinago ang araw na wala nang andap
Ang langit ay huminga ng malalim
At pinakawalan ang kidlat na matalim
Dagundong ng kulog ang hagulgol
Sa damdamin ng pusong nasapol
At pumatak na ang ulan sa malungkot na kalangitan
Habang ang bahang dugo ay hihimlay sa karagatan
Ang bundok ay gumuguho
Ang bulkan ay bumubugso
Upang idura ang nagliliyab nitong "lava"
Na malapit nang mamuong ginintuang "magma"
Lahat ay sabay sabay sa pagkaganap
Ang delubyo sa katorse ng pebrero
Minsan na akong sinabihan
Di naniwala hanggang naganap ang kapalaran

Romantic Dilemna

Date: 12-08-08
No.: 2
Title: Romantic Dilemma

The sweet aroma of petals fills my nostrils,
As your gentle ways give me the thrills.
Your words caress my fragile heart
Like you're a being that would not hurt.

A deafening pitch of sound broke the rhythm of my recall
Like a window glass hit by a baseball.
As my hand bleed when I picked the broken glass together,
And remember I am committed with another.

Should I or should I not?
Loosen or tighten the knot?
Would I or would not I?
Think of them, or we, or just I?

The Stages of Grieving

according to Kubler-Ross, there are actually 5 stages of grieving in which we summarize as DABDA -Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance...

Well, based on how i have been through things in my life, this is what actually happens. And as I go through another catastrophe in my life, I would follow these stages... as I deny that I have not broken up with him... until I have accepted it...Where am I?

Denial

Am I at this stage? Have I said this? "No, we're still together... we just had a little fight and I know we can fix it. We'll be fine"

Anger

Or am I at this stage? Have I said this? "Damn him! He cheated on me! How could he do this? He's such a jerk!" until I have said "I am done with you! We're over!"

Bargaining

Or am I asking for alternatives? "God, please give him back to me... I have not been thinking about what I have said and of what I have done...", like as if I am hoping we'll be back together so I would do all the things, all the ways I could so we could be together again...

Depression

Or have I run short of alternatives or my alternatives did not work such that I feel so hopeless... that I feel so much deeply in despair? saying "I wanna feel numb, I wanna die, I'm broken"

Acceptance

Or have I accepted the fact that we're done? "I am moving on"...


-----

i want to add a stage to Kubler-Ross's stages... "REBOUND DEPRESSION"... when I have accepted that we're done... and now I feel hopeless of moving on... like I can no longer find ways to be happy... i dunno... maybe this is "TRANSITORY DEPRESSION" from being depressed of the real thing to being depressed of how to accept things...

I know I am such a fool to be crying over some guy who's not really worthy of the love i have for him...I have loved too much, trusted too much...now it's so difficult to accept things...

now, i have to find ways of fixing myself...i have to fix myself...i must fix myself...right NOW!

Sonnet of the Fragile

Oh heavens, i am a damsel in distress
For I have been gullible to the tricks of a lord
as he showed me great magic, not the less
great courage and strength as he proved he is bold

On a duel he won my smile
By the crowd he earned lots of praise
He traveled an extra mile
To have my heart and take me from my base

Bold as he is but wicked in nature
Treated me as trophy just for display
Trust and love for us he did never nurture
Even when his whims and caprices I did obey

I dreamt too high and believed too much
Now I am broken just because of a hunch

free me from being solitary

i was walking down an isle of darkness
i was happy as i glided with finesse
like a doe, i hopped through and through
'til i saw a light out of the blue
enticing as it was
i raced myself to it fast
but the pitch black gap was vast
that it faded before i reach it at last
i was happy alone in the dark
but the light gave my existence a spark
that made me look for it wherever it may be
probably, from being a soledad i wanted to be free

alone

feeling alone without you
feeling so drowned in the paradise of dew

wastin' my time...

i dunno what came up to my mind... i just picked up the oslo, the pencil, the pen and the crayons... and then i just knew i was actually sketching a framework using my pencil and voila! i've got a sexy figure in front of me! ^_^"

holding on

i dunno how to express how i feel now... i feel so bothered, so sad, hopeless... yet i am holding on...